There are taboo conversation topics that are off-limits when you first meet someone, topics like religion and politics. Since we’ve been together for about three months now, readers, I think it’s safe to venture a little deeper. So if you care to, please come along with me on my religious journey of late.
There is no bigger search for balance than trying to find it in an interfaith relationship. As our partnership grows stronger and talks about our future together become more frequent, JB and I decided to meet with an interfaith coach to help facilitate exploration and discussion into what our religious home would look like and how it can honor all of the traditions we both value.
In our initial meeting with Coach, we focused primarily on how each of us viewed religion and how we envisioned it in a family one day. While I was brought up Jewish and JB Catholic, neither one of us would consider ourselves “religious.” I am active in the Jewish community here, but it’s usually at events that happen outside of an actual synagogue. And JB plays golf on Sunday mornings.
But still, here we were for 1.5 hours at a table in Central Market discussing how we would like a religious foundation in our home. And a lot of it was me describing to Coach that I consider myself culturally Jewish, but not very religiously Jewish. Clearly she has heard this one before, as people say it all the time.
She didn’t let me get away though with only this declaration. I had to try to dig a little deeper. I kept saying I want a “Jewish home”, but what exactly did that mean for me? For us? The interfaith dialog is more than just whether or not there is a Christmas tree in the house. JB and I settled that issue over Thai food on our 3rd date. While I will never speak for JB in this blog, I think it’s safe to say that this journey will force both of us to explore religion not just in terms of us as a couple, but first and foremost, in terms of ourselves.
What is culture versus religion? How do you separate what is good for you now from just what you have always known? How do you move forward and feel comfortable with what you might be leaving behind?
I have no idea the answer to any of these questions, but I hope to figure them out along the way, and I’m sure that many, many more will arise. I am realizing that with this journey, balance will likely not mean “equal” and that’s okay, as long as it is a decision that we come to together.
After our first meeting, Coach gave us a homework assignment and like the high school salutatorian that I was (am?), it has already been completed. We were charged with visiting different places of worship, Jewish and Christian, together to start to determine where we feel comfortable and to stimulate conversation between us, which it certainly did — in a very good way!
That part of the odyssey (melodramatic much?) deserves a blog post to itself so I look forward to updating you in part II. In the meantime, I hope to hear some of your thoughts! Are you in any type of “odyssey” right now?
Balance Overload 